February 27, 2009

And In The Winter We Whiter

09:12 a.m.

I wonder...

What drives me into the whirlpool? What pushes me over the edge?
What pushes anyone over the edge?

I mean, you don't walk straight towards the daggers... right?

There's always a good reason, for us humans to do or to allow things that either hurt us already or will hurt us in the end. What is that over-powered source of human nature which makes you do such kind of things?

Or... Is it just me?

Am I the only one that believed everything happens for a reason? That you slam yourself into something just so you can learn something about it?
Let's remark... believed.
Now, there are things that frankly, I don't understand why the fuck I'm doing them.

The heart portrayed here; that beautiful heart that beats with every breath the world takes, belongs to the most amazing human being I've ever come across with in my life.

He, who's name is whispered away, is the sun in the eyes of those of us who are blind. Corny, yes indeed; but honest nonetheless. A man that sees beauty where you see mundane things and with a heart that gives love to those that don't know how to.

A man that is dying in the midst of his young years.

Poison runs through his veins, cancer eats him alive. Now, what he called the one has become the last, the last one to see him fall and whiter like a dying tree; he now turns into pieces of dead wood.

So long has it been since the two young and mature adults we pretended to be before? What happened to our chats of books, to our rides to the country and the movie-marathons?
I want to once again walk forward, holding your hand as the road approaches, feeling the snow melt under our feet.

I want to stop time and forget the scars that we have gotten with it. I want to believe, we can keep on walking, that we can surpass the cancer that eats us.

So stupid we were before...

Arguments and fights, malcontent in our hearts feeding our angers.
Pride in the way, sword in our hands, ready to defend us from each other.
Nobody backs down, when you screamed, I screamed back.
Harder and higher, my voice will silence yours.
No calm pauses, no one tried to calm the other, we just kept on hurting.
And now... when the steam finally cooled down, no soothing words will amend what has been broken.

Years of friendship, bonds in flame, extinguished by a rain of words.
Tears now streaming, giving excuses for apologies. We all pretend to understand, but what is that we really understand? What is the secret behind those apologetic looks, that don't really tell what they mean to say?

Things were said, things were done.

feels so void and useless, is sorry the answer to all our prayers?
Do you say sorry when you kill an unborn?
I can look to the heavens and ask for forgiveness, I can pray and beg to be forgiven.
With tears in my eyes I can say I'm sorry, but will that ease the pain? Will that give me back my baby? Will that heal your dying heart?

Whatever I say, will be no difference.
Words are whispered away by the wind, but it is in our actions that we define who we are.
But... who we are?

Families broken, hunger in the streets, working children; policemen that won't protect the innocent, politics that look after money instead of after people. Animals that die imprisoned in human cages, unfed and unkempt while people suffer the same fate.
A planet, that dies slowly, in agony; with no one there to soothe it's pain or help it recover.

We have forgotten who we were, and we have acknowledged who we think we are.
We are neither gods or angels, we are simple men and women, pretending to know what lies beyond the door.

We all want what everybody else has, with out noticing, what we have in our hands.

A world to live in, brothers and sisters to work in it. We have everything.
But we never care for it.
How many of you say good morning to a stranger on the street? Who remembers to give the seat to an old lady? Who feeds the wandering dogs or cats?

We were the seed of the world, and now... we are the rotten plant.

Problems arising everywhere, but nobody seem to care, and when it happens around them; well, let's just try to blame it on someone else. Let's make someone else take care of it.
When problems start, nobody wants to sort things out anymore, is easier to just give it up and start over. Everybody runs away, like if there was a reset button to forget about everything.

I ran away too and now, the toll is being paid.

He, who had the golden heart, has been eaten away by the cancer of the world. While me, I can just sit and watch, seeing him battle with that little left of his soul everyday and every night.

I want to sort problems out. I want to amend the things I've broken.
There is no reset button, that will take away the pain in our chests; but I want to find the cure, to save us from the poison that runs in our veins.

I want to walk through the beach again, to see the sun set one more time. I want to set sail again, in the river of life, with no destination or port ahead, just letting the wind blow us anywhere.

I want to walk to the daggers, so you can come back with me.

Maybe after all...
... It's really just me.

February 20, 2009

The Secret in the Silent

We love in secret names.

No one needs to know, what we don't really show.
This is a secret we keep, embeded in our hearts.
Covered with our silence.
Unwhispered phrases and unheard words.
Discreet looks that tell, to those that already know.

I see you, you see me.
Walking down this cold hard floor.
People all around us, every one wants attention.
Silent and distant, we're being watched from above.

Looking everywhere, you're no where around.
All those faces, but not one is yours.
You've already left, I didn't catch you.
I turn my gaze to the sky,and there is where I find you,
gazing solemnly at the earth below.
Wishing you could be here, I smile faintly.
You don't need to hear, what you already know.

Until the last day, that this life gives me.
Smile beautiful, smile just for me.
So I'll remember... heaven is right here.