September 28, 2014
September 8, 2014
August 23, 2014
August 19, 2014
“Tú no eres una persona cualquiera. Si hay una persona que no es cualquiera, ésa eres tú. Y menos para mí. Eres como una segunda voz dentro de mí, que me acompaña día a día. Has convertido mi monólogo interior en un diálogo. Enriqueces mi vida interior. Indagas, insistes, parodias, entras en conflicto conmigo. Cuando te veo, de inmediato siento el imperioso deseo de dejar que te acerques aún más, de tenerte muy cerca.”
— Daniel Glauttauer.
August 18, 2014
Hoy tuvimos un buen día. Nos levantamos tarde y sin sueño, rompí una palita de la cocina, hicimos desayuno juntos, te comiste mi comida, vimos películas malas en televisión abierta, nos reímos de nosotros mismos, platicamos en la cama. Salimos a jugar con los perros, lavaste platos y yo medio acomode la cocina, hicimos comida, comimos juntos en la sala porque es domingo y nadie quiere limpiar la mesa. Reposamos la comida viendo una serie de televisión, tomamos un largo baño juntos, nos besamos bajo el agua de la regadera, me ayudaste a secar mi cabello, le dimos premios a los perros, salimos al cine, nos besamos en la obscuridad de la sala, tomaste mi mano en el clímax emocional de la película para que no llorara, nos tomamos de la mano al salir, llegamos a la casa para desnudarnos y patalear por debajo de las sábanas. Hora de dormir dijiste, y se apagó la luz.
Hoy tuvimos un buen día. Te extrañé muchísimo, benditas vacaciones, nunca se acaben.
August 16, 2014
1. When he starts distancing himself from you, do not restring bridges with your own sinew. You will find yourself two months later coming unraveled, coming undone. You will find he has left you in the places he has visited and in the hair of the girls he has imagined kissing. You will find yourself splatterpainted on the walls where while drunk he confessed all of your secrets to his college friends. You will be crying on the floor, surrounded by the parts of you he has stepped on, and he will look you in the eyes and ask you to clean up the mess.
2. When she cannot get through the words “I love you” without her eyes flicking to the side or her tongue slurring or her mouth pressing in at the edges: do not assume it is your fault. Do not think that you have yet again pushed away someone amazing. You have not. Sometimes people knock on their bones and find themselves hollow. You were the only way they felt momentarily whole, do not empty yourself to fill up their soul. Do not shatter into pieces trying to perfect yourself. You do not need to be glass to turn light into rainbows. You are a person, not their prism.
3. Do not let them hold you against their body if you know they do not cherish every second they are in contact with your skin. I know it feels as if you are breaking your own spine, but tear yourself away from them. Know that the something beautiful you had was already fading. Know that in the end you did the only thing you could. Sometimes people grow apart. Even trees do it.
4. Cry. Want them back.
5. Cry. Do not take them back.
6. In the following months, you will rediscover what it means to be alone. You will sit and stare at a ceiling and hate yourself and hate the world and cry about everything because everything hurts. You will wonder if it could have gotten better if you’d just been a little different, if the timing had worked out, if if if. Do not worry about this. Nothing would have changed the reality that the person you were in love with had stopped loving you somewhere along the line, whether it was in the middle of a conversation or while driving under a bridge or when they made eye contact with someone new and wonderful. It doesn’t matter. Stop wasting your time on them. You don’t need to stop your story just because they are no longer a main character. Do not take back what has already poisoned you. Instead start healing and start healing soon.
7. Take yourself back. Bring out the mop, the broom, the magic wand. Glue where needs to be glued, put up new paint, turn off the lights in places that are too hot to touch. Touch your toes. Touch your hair. Touch a dog. Touch the grass, touch the telephone, do not call him. Touch base with your mom. Touch another person with no love in your heart, touch another person and mean every second of it. Believe in yourself even if you don’t believe in love. It’s okay. There is nothing wrong with being alone. You are the best company you’ll ever know. It’s okay. It’s okay. You’re gonna be okay and none of this was ever your fault. Sometimes people just fall out of love. It’s okay. It’s okay. You’ll one day discover you didn’t need them anyway.”